OT .sig kernel 2.4.3

Jeffrey B. Ferland autocracy at linuxfreemail.com
Fri Mar 30 18:32:21 PST 2001


Thomas 'Balu' Walter wrote:

> > +--------------------------------------------------------------------+
> > | David Howell                                                       |
> [...]
> > +--------------------------------------------------------------------+
> 
> Congratulation, you have beaten all signature-rules I know of :)
> Most important:
> 
>         1. keep sigs short (max. 4 lines!)
>         2. introduce a sig with "-- " (which is dash dash space return
>         3. this is important:                             ^^^^^
> 
>      Ba-who.hides.some.kind.of.signature.here-lu

Yeah, that was like way more than four lines. As for the '-- '
thing, that makes it easier for people to not see my .sig :) 

Anyhow, for those of you who don't read /., here is something
nice for you...

Diary of an AOL (l)User. 

July 18 - I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard
it is the best online service I can get. They even included a
free disk! I'd better hold onto it incase they don't ever send me
another one! I can't connect. I don't know what is wrong. 

July 19 - Some guy at the tech support center says my computer
needs a modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How
dumb does he think I am? 

July 22 - I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it
goes. It wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm
confused. 

July 23 - I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine
year old next door did it for me. But it still don't work. I cant
get online. 

July 25 - That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to
America Online for me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a
prodigy. But he says that's just another service. What a modest
kid. He's so smart and he does these services for people. Anyway
he's smarter then the jerks who sold me the modem. They didn't
even tell me about communications software. Bet they didn't know.
And why do they put two telephone jack holes in the back of a
modem when you only need one? And why do they have one labeled
phone when you are not suppose to hook it to the phone jack on
the wall? I thought the dial tone sounded funny! Boy, are modem
makers dumb! But the kid figured it out by the sound. 

July 26 - What's the internet? I thought I was on America Online.
Not this internet thing. I'm confused. 

July 27 - The nine year old kid next door showed me how to use
this America Online stuff. I told him he must be a genius. He
says that he is compared to me. Maybe he's not so modest after
all. 

July 28 - I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my
computer but nothing happened. maybe I need to buy a microphone. 

July 29 - I found this thing called usenet. I got out of it
because I'm connected to America Online not usenet. 

July 30 - These people in this usenet thing keep using capital
letters. How do they do that? I never figured out how to type
capital letters. Maybe they have a different type of keyboard. 

JULY 31 - I CALLED THE COMPUTER MAKER I BOUGHT IT FROM TO
COMPLAIN ABOUT NOT HAVING A CAPITOL LETTER KEY. THE TECH SUPPORT
GUY SAID IT WAS THIS CAPS LOCK KEY. WHY DIDN'T THEY SPELL IT OUT?
I TOLD HIM I GOT A CHEAP KEYBOARD AND WANTED A BETTER ONE. AND
ONE OF MY SHIFT KEYS ISNT THE SAME SIZE AS THE OTHER. HE SAID
THATS A STANDARD. I TOLD HIM I DIDN'T WANT A STANDARD KEYBOARD
BUT ANOTHER BRAND. I MUST HAVE HAD AN IMPORTANT COMPLAINT BECAUSE
I HEARD HIM TELL THE OTHER SUPPORT GUYS TO LISTEN IN ON OUR
CONVERSATION. 

AUGUST 1 - I FOUND THIS THING CALLED THE USENET ORACLE. IT SAYS
THAT IT CAN ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS I ASK IT. I SENT IT 44 SEPARATE
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE INTERNET. I HOPE IT RESPONDS SOON. 

AUGUST 2 - I FOUND A GROUP CALLED REC.HUMOR. I DECIDED TO POST
THIS JOKE ABOUT THE CHICKEN THAT CROSSED THE ROAD. TO GET TO THE
OTHER SIDE! HA! HA! I WASNT SURE I POSTED IT RIGHT SO I POSTED IT
56 MORE TIMES. 

AUGUST 3 - I KEEP HEARING ABOUT THE WORLD WIDE WEB. I DON'T NOW
SPIDERS GREW THAT LARGE. 

AUGUST 4 - THE ORACLE RESPONDED TO MY QUESTIONS TODAY. GEEZ IT
WAS RUDE. I WAS SO ANGRY THAT I POSTED AN ANGRY MESSAGE ABOUT IT
TO REC.HUMOR.ORACLE. I WASNT SURE IF I POSTED RIGHT SO I POSTED
IT 22 MORE TIMES. 

AUGUST 5 - SOMEONE TOLD ME TO READ THE FAQ. GEEZ THEY DIDN'T HAVE
TO USE PROFANITY. 

AUGUST 6 - SOMEONE ELSE TOLD ME TO STOP SHOUTING IN ALL MY
MESSAGES. WHAT A STUPID JERK. IM NOT SHOUTING! IM NOT EVEN
TALKING! JUST TYPING! HOW CAN THEY LET THESE RUDE JERKS GO ON THE
INTERNET? 

August 7 - Why have a Caps Lock key if you're not suppose to use
it? Its probably an extra feature that costs more money. 

August 8 - I just read this post called make money fast. I'm so
exited. I'm going to make lots of money. I followed his
instructions and posted it to every newsgroup I could find. 

August 9 - I just made my signature file. Its only 6 pages long.
I will have to work on it some more. 

August 10 - I just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. I read
a few posts and I really believe that aol should be wiped off the
face of the earth. I wonder what an aol is. 

August 11 - I was asking where to find some information about
something. Some guy told me to check out ftp.netcom.com. I've
looked and looked but I can't find that group. 

August 12 - I sent a post to every usenet group on the Internet
asking where the ftp.netcom.com is. hopefully someone will help.
I cant ask the kid next door. His parents said that when he comes
back from my house he's laughing so hard he can't eat or sleep or
do his homework. So they wont let him come over anymore. I do
have a great sense of humor. I don't know why the rec.humor group
didn't like my chicken joke. Maybe they only like dirty stuff.
Some people sent me posts about my 56 posts of the joke and they
used bad words. 

August 13 - I sent another post to every usenet group on the
Internet asking where the ftp.netcom.com is. I had forgot
yesterday to include my new signature file which is only 8 pages
long. I know everyone will want to read my favorite poem so I
included it. I'm also going to add that short story I like. 

August 14 - Some guy suspended my account because of what I was
doing. I told him I don't have an account at his bank. He's so
dumb.

-Jeff
SIG: HUP

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